Agency Traumata
People join the military for various reasons. My motivations were selfish initially, though patriotic when I reenlisted. My six-year sacrifice is tiny compared to what others have given up. When I think of what I will bestow on my children, I’m most proud of defending the doctrine that enables their freedoms. I’m guessing it’s easier to raise kids in an authoritarian country than in a democratic republic.
I took control of the situation like a seasoned soldier. I forced the outcome in a fever-pitched test of will, limits, and agency. Then, looking into his dispirited eyes, my heart melted. I didn’t choose to hit my child, yet I did.
With a slow blink, trust faded from his face, his six-year-old body an emotionless, insecure shell that, moments before, had been confident and audacious, braving uncharted waters. Not now. They say spanking hurts you more than your child. That’s not true.
As a veteran, I see through the distorted lens of war-torn humanity, juxtaposing civilized absurdity with savage memories. As a parent, this sometimes leaves me ill-prepared for Nintendo meltdowns or bedtime standoffs. Empathy takes work.
After disciplining my child, I felt broken and adrift. I’d promised myself I’d never spank him. What happened? Was that necessary? I’m five times his size. He tested his limits. I controlled him by force. Good soldier. Bad parent. Is this what I want to be? At what point does discipline become abuse, become normalized?
When tensions eased, I conceded that I was a decent person but not innocent and possibly in over my head. A walking contradiction, I wanted to control my son but also wanted him to explore and grow. Ready or not, we were in parental waters; we would sink or swim together.
Like a soldier dropped into combat, a spanked child is pushed into fight-or-flight mode. Both situations induce fear, hyperstimulate the amygdala, and elevate stress hormones like cortisol and norepinephrine (Dunckley, 2015). Each time the traumatic episode is re-lived, the body reacts similarly. If this climate is normalized, the body looks to acclimate, hindering normal dopamine and oxytocin production and potentially inhibiting prefrontal cortex and hippocampus development, where complex cognitive processes occur (Goleman, 2007). Constant survival mode. Climates of chronic fear can leave someone hypersensitive to perceive danger where it doesn’t exist, potentially affecting future relationships (Dunckley, 2015). When the human body “acclimates” to these conditions, the genetic expressions (adaptations) can be transgenerational (Goleman, 2007).
I’m aware of this theory now, but I wasn’t when I spanked my child. It’s somewhat new and hard to prove with the limited neuroscience data, not even obtainable two decades ago. If I acknowledge it, I have difficulty excusing my actions, dealing with my guilt, and admitting my lack of empathy. If I deliberately disregard it, I can justify my methods. Regardless, questions remain. At what age do I recognize my child’s independence? When am I stifling his developing agency? Is he “good” only if his views and actions reflect mine?
The human body, like nature, is constantly changing. Our children evolve, physically and psychologically, within the boundaries of their parental restrictions and social controls. Over time, seemingly irrelevant factors can become part of their social construct, but only if it’s flexible.
In their forward-thinking wisdom, our founding fathers created a doctrine that enables our society to adapt to change — if we engage in respectful dialogue. Empathy takes work. Millions of people have sacrificed their lives to preserve civil liberties, like free speech, bestowed on us.
Challenging old constructs takes courage. Scrutinizing practices that have disempowered segments of society takes humility. The lure of power is self-importance, or worse, ideological extremism. Whether canceling culture, banning books, or deliberately disregarding awkward issues, attempts to control America’s narrative weaken it. Civilized societies evolve through good-faith dialogue: worlds become round, behavioral oddities are demystified, and Nature’s God is reborn. Countries like China and Russia sidestep awkward issues by governing content. At what point do regulated ideas become an abuse of power, become indoctrination? Is this what we want to be?
It’s time for a difficult conversation. Our democratic republic is backsliding because some of our “patriotic leaders” exploit our doctrine of tolerance to push theirs of intolerance. They abuse their liberties to disempower others without empathy, patience, or humility. Is this what we want our future to be? Perhaps we should be fighting for children’s rights rather than parental rights.
This Independence Day, beware of self-righteous charlatans preaching for suppression while wrapped in a flag of freedom. Honor the true patriots who made the ultimate sacrifice and renew the notion that all humans are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights. Jump into the fight for independence, but consider that your best weapon may be a warm hug and some honest reflection.
Originally published at https://vagaryenterprises.com
I’m Gilbert Ramirez, author of The Chameleon: Plot to Weaponize Bias, and an alumnus of The University of Texas at Austin College of Communication. I’m a philosophical technogeek, a Media Literacy freak, and a proud Veteran. I’m out to unite diverse cultures through technology.
I go by The Chameleon on Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter to evangelize Media Literacy topics: rhetoric, sociology, neurobiology, philosophy, psychology, and of course, media.